Self-Image: Begin Together With End

There are a few books I continue going dorsum to read.  Maybe it is because I am getting to the house where I can’t shout back everything I read.  That may live true, but that was equally good a occupation inwards my twenties!  Even inwards college, I could non shout back everything I read.  Unless yous possess got a photographic memory, that is going to live a occupation for everyone. 
   
One mass I furnish to fourth dimension as well as fourth dimension over again is Gerald May’s book, Will as well as Spirit.  I uncovering that mass as well as hence helpful, because he develops what he calls inwards the subtitle a “contemplative psychology.”  Until his recent death, May was a psychiatrist who founded as well as ran a spirituality middle inwards Washington, DC.  He spent most of his adult life working at the intersection of psychology as well as spirituality.  He plant amongst some basic concepts inwards ways that I uncovering quite illuminating.
   
One such concept that intrigues me as well as virtually which he helped me sympathize some things, is the concept of the “self.”  This thought of self is an of import i inwards spirituality work.  And it is equally good fundamental inwards psychological thinking.  In effect, to verbalize virtually the “self” is to verbalize virtually ourselves.  It concerns identity: who am I?  At i level, most of us would claim that nosotros know just who nosotros are.  At some other level, peradventure few of us actually know who nosotros are!  I autumn into that latter category. 
   
Of course, I tin hand notice enjoin yous many things virtually me.  I am a father, a son, a spouse, a friend; I possess got degrees, am a professor as well as on as well as on.  But I am non certain whatever i of these actually nails the question, who am I?  They enjoin yous a bang-up bargain about me; I am non certain they enjoin yous who I am.  May helps me acquire to the core: the existent me.  He does this amongst the thought of “self image.”
   
The infinitesimal May introduced the thought of “self image” into the conversation was the infinitesimal I realized that peradventure my “self image” as well as my “self” were non the same.  Let’s exercise a duet of sentences from May to explore how he understands “self image.”  In effect, nosotros build or build our self-image.  May says, “Self-image is the production of a complex procedure of self-definition associated amongst one’s feel of body, of will, of human relationship amongst others, as well as of wishing or aspiration.  It includes intricate combinations of  memories as well as withdraw patterns, habits as well as needs---everything that i could exercise to pull or characterize oneself.”
   
This does non hateful that our self-image is false.  It may live quite accurate equally a description of how nosotros encounter ourselves.  And it may relate closely amongst how others encounter us.  It makes feel that purpose of my self-image has to practise amongst how I perceive my body.  For me this agency my self-image is of a homo who is getting older.  My human relationship amongst others equally good goes a long trend to cast my self-image.  And all the residuum of May’s Definition rings truthful to me.
   
So self-image is a expert “view” of who I am.  But it is non who I am.  In fact, it may good live truthful that I possess got no existent clue who I actually am.  Thomas Merton, famous monk of lastly century, talks a bang-up bargain virtually the “true self.”  By that he meant something deep, interior as well as center to who nosotros are.  I ever resonate amongst that idea, fifty-fifty if I am non certain if I know my “true self.”  I tend to think the “true self” is the same affair equally “soul.”  I don’t possess got a soul; I am a soul.  That seems fundamental to me.
   
So where does this possess got us.  For me it has meant that I bespeak to live careful as well as non assume my “self image” is the same affair equally my “self.”  To position it simply, my “self” is the existent me---the “true self.”  My “self image” is the moving painting I pigment of myself.  It could live fairly realistic.  Or it may live to a greater extent than similar those impressionistic painters who were intriguing, but non existent to life. 
   
The adjacent affair this agency to me is the spiritual journeying tin hand notice solely tumble out amongst the “true self.”  No doubt, much of the early on stage of the spiritual journeying is coming to possess got some clue who the “true self” is.  In many ways I even as well as hence am inwards that early on stage of the journey.  There is a bang-up bargain of unknowing to live done inwards this early on phase.  I possess got to larn that the “self image” is non the “real me.”  That does non hateful it is bad; it is just non the “true self.”
   
Then comes the adjacent pregnant stage of the spiritual journey.  At some point, the “false self,” equally Merton calls it, mightiness live prepare aside inwards lodge to uncovering as well as alive into the ‘true self.”  That sounds tardily plenty on paper.  But inwards existent life, it tin hand notice live challenging and, perhaps, threatening.  Jesus position it strongly when he told the disciples they had to decease to the sometime self inwards lodge to live born to the novel or “true self.”
   
In effect, this agency a form of decease to the “self image.”  To live spiritual agency I cannot live self-defining.  I bespeak to live willing to move God-defined.  In Christian damage this agency getting to the house where I tin hand notice genuinely say, “not my will, but thy will.”  This commonly begins amongst the “self image” as well as spells the terminate of that same “self image.”  The joy is discovering this is non finally death, but ultimately life---real life.
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